I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
