just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
