We tried having a conversation with our noses.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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