if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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