hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
