2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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