I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
