We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm like, not good at living.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
