at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize