so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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