I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
