Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
