I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do herpes really smell.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
