I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
