alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
