Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
