I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize