We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
