I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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