How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My vagina just recognized that song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
3 2 1 whiskey
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
