i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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