I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
