Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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