I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
