also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
