sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
