Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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