Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You took a bar mat shot.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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