my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
