Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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