There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so let's talk penis.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
