I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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