I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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