I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am available for nakedness
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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