Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
