He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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