My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
