I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize