after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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