Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
