Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
