there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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