Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
