I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
