imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
