I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
