One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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