I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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