So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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