there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
