arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize