SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
