I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
