so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
