the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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