Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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