So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
