would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
