if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
