YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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