The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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