We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
