haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
