could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
