I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
