I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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