So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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