Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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