do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
