he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
