eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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