its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
