and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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