P.S. I can't hear my feet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
