Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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