Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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