a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
