Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
