im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were destined to go to rehab together
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
