So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
