So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
