I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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