I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
