sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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