If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
