I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
