Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize