Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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