My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
