For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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