did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
