apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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