The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize