if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
