i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
