Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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