i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
